As an equestrian I am horrified at how badly I fucked up. Literally can't stop crying right now
Tl/dr I fucked up a relationship with my trainer and a friend of 11 years. My mom makes me miserable and depressed every day and I don't know what to do
Everything started on Thursday. My trainer/really good friend wrote in our stable's group chat that they unexpectedly decided to go to some competition on Saturday. She offered to bring a horse we are riding to all of us. Everyone was very excited and I was too. But I have a very strict mom who basically does anything she wants with me. Once she made me sell all of my horse tack, my horse (!!) and quit riding. She didn't let me ride for the whole year (I just started again on August, I'm not sure how I persuaded her). Back to the story, I asked my mom and she said no (what a surprise!). I spent about 4-5 hours on Thursday trying to ask nicely, make a deal with her but with no luck. I should mention that I'm a very sensitive person. So I cried for about 3-4 hours (I can't stop it) and woke up the next day with my eyes so swollen almost completely shut.
On Friday I had to let my trainer know about the comp. She was also quite devastated because she was putting a lot of effort in me and my riding. So after lunch I went to the stables (we were planning a sleepover since the last weekend). I should also mention that my friend of 11 years also goes to the same stable. We don't really argue with her at all. We have some small disagreements but we are able to fix them very quickly. Anyway, the night went by pretty well, we woke up at 5am today because we had to leave for the comp early.
Saturday. While my trainer's mom was driving us to the competition (she's literally an angel on Earth) she found out that I wasn't going to compete. She was shocked. When I explained the situation, she said that I should've brought all my tack and just jumped the course. That's when I broke down again. The whole mom's persuasion process, not being able to do what I love to do and being threatened by my mom as well made me too sensitive. My trainer's mom was very concerned (as well as everyone else) and I kind of stopped crying because I didn't want to ruin the fun (I talked normally and smiled but tears just didn't stop going down my face). The mom started making plans how everyone could give me some piece of tack and I could just jump as everyone else. I was too scared my mom would find out and didn't do that. Felt miserable the whole time. By the way, we all decided that if I somehow made more money, going to comps would be a lot easier. So everybody helped me set up a business account (I do woodburning and I'm taking commissions on stall signs, horse portraits etc if anyone's interested). Fast forward to the competition, all the riders and my trainer was warming up and only me and the mom was sitting and watching the other competitors. That's when my mom called. Turns out, she didn't let me go to the comp even as a groom. She was furious and was shouting at me the whole time. I, being who I am, broke down again. Once we stopped talking, my trainer's mom saw me crying and was also furious. She couldn't understand how someone's mom would do such a thing. She practically made me (not that I didn't want to) give her my mom's number and she called her. The call was great somehow, I received another call from my mom again after half an hour and she was a lot calmer. I kind of forgot the whole thing and enjoyed the competition.
I should mention my old friend. I was the one, who introduced her to my trainer and brought her to the stables. Because of me she started training again. During the whole competition she kind of used me and treated me like trash. I couldn't understand why. She was like a puppy to my trainer and it made me sick. She followed her around, agreed on everything she said and made sure I couldn't say a word because she was talking all the time. Because of this, the ride home wasn't very great and I pretended to be asleep during half of it. When we came back to the stables, unloaded the horses and did all the chores, I decided that I want to work with this 3yo trotter mare because she needed to be ridden again. So I took her from the paddock, saddled her up and took to the arena. While I was lunging her my mom called. She was again furious because I didn't call her when we came back to the stables and she said I need to figure out a way to come home (it's an about 40mins drive with no busses available at that time). So I just called the same old friend because we were planning to go home together and her father should pick us up. She started shouting at me how she decided that she's staying at the stables one more night. Of course, I wasn't okay with this as this wasn't planned at all. I knew my mom wouldn't let me sleep in the stables for another night. While I called my mom and while crying explained why I can't come home, the old 'friend' kept telling me how I was a bitch during the whole trip, how I ruin her life and that I suck. That was a great moment of my life tbh. I was devastated and my mom said she's coming to get me and hung up. The friend left, I tried to relax, called my trainer and began the training session. Surprisingly, it was really good, but that doesn't matter. After I was done, my mom finally came and I had the worst car ride of my life.
In conclusion, I believe that I fucked up my relationship with my trainer a lot and I'm not sure what I should do. The old friend can go and fuck herself because Im done and won't listen to another one of her cute apologies. My mom hasn't let me go to the stable since this happened. She's constantly shouting at me and I don't know what to do and where to seek help. Somebody please, tell me your opinion about all this (even though I for sure missed something important) and give me advice on what I should do. I'm desperate 💔
Submitted October 28, 2019 at 11:06AM by avototo13
via reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/Horses/comments/dobqsc/as_an_equestrian_i_am_horrified_at_how_badly_i/?utm_source=ifttt
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