Fear of riding/horses?
Hi!
First of all, I'd like to apologize in advance for any mistake. English is not my mother language... Also, this probably takes some time to explain. Background:
So basically when I was 8 years old I was a huge horse fan and I learnt riding at a local requestrian centre with Iceland horses. I was riding there for about 4 years. The riding instructor wasn't the best and I actually never properly learned how to saddle up and bridle (?) a horse.
Since I was self concious about this fact and also intimidated by the harsh instructor I did a lot mistakes which angered the female Instructor even more and my shyness evolved into actual fear of going to my riding lessons. I also got scared by the thought of riding one of the horses because they seemed to feel my fear and use it to their advantage (as in they did what they wanted while I was riding on them).
Unfortunately, I was too dumb and maybe also too stubborn to tell my parents about it, so one day I was galloping and should change from left hoof to right hoof (I don't know how it's called in english and if it's really like this but I hope you know what I mean...) and I couldn't. I just couldn't control the horse and I was scared and the screaming of my instructor didn't help. So I kinda lost control and fell. I didn't get hurt, only got some bruises but I was - or atleast that's what I thought until recently - scarred for life. I stopped coming to the riding lessons, begged my parents to let me drop them and then never got close to a horse again.
But recently I started to get closer to a friend of mine whose a horse owner. She's from my class and her parents and sister all know how to ride horses. She once took me to see her boy when I told her about my past experiences with horses. I was even allowed to ride him. It turned out that I really had a trauma because I couldn't stop shaking when we got to the stable. There were a lot of horses - who would've thought - and I got so nervous because they were huge! Iceland horses are actually ponies I think so the difference was big. But somehow I felt brave enough to ride him when she asked me if I wanted to. So I did. And it felt weird. Mainly because I literally didn't have any skills and knowledge anymore from my former lessons. And because he was huge and seemed to move differently than iceland horses.
So as I was sitting there on him (He's called Charmeur which means charmer in german) like a bag full of potatoes, I thought about my past crazy self about horses and I felt like I never actually stopped liking them. I was just super scared of them. And then I started to explore this subreddit and now I'm seriously thinking about horse riding again. But there are some things that I worry about...
For example the fact that I'm 18 and starting my last school year in 5 weeks. In my last year I will have these big exams which will decide if I can graduate and I know that if I start taking lessons again I will have to be a lot stricter with my free time, and I'm a super lazy person...
Also the place where I should learn again. I live in Switzerland and we do have a lot of equastrian centres but I live relatively far away from all of them and they are relatively expensive...
Additionally I don't want to bother my parents. I'm actually scared to tell them that I want to start riding again because I begged them to let me stop and back then they bought all this expensive equipment for me, only for it to be used for 2 years and then be given away for free.
But I also really want to learn it again. And it would be a sportive activity in my free time which would be good since I haven't been doing sports since I stopped playing tennis in 2014.
I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I just wanted to tell someone because it leaves a weight on my heart and I can't talk to my horse owner friend right now because she's somewhere in holidays without reception...
I'm scared that if I started again I wouldn't be able to properly explain to my new instructor how I feel about riding and my fear. I'm a really sensitive person and unfortunately I need a lot of support when I do things I'm scared of. Also I really need to take it slow. For me I would feel super relieved to take solo lessons. Just to be comfortable and feel save but I know solo lessons are very expensive and my parents probably wouldn't pay for that. But I think I'd rather give up on riding than be stressed out in a group with younger people who can handle their horses better than me.
I'm rambling, I need to stop...
I really reallyy don't know what I expected when I started to write this but maybe some of you experienced something similar and would like to share some advice on how they pulled through :)
Submitted July 25, 2019 at 01:25PM by SARANAEL-T14
via reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/Horses/comments/chsa2w/fear_of_ridinghorses/?utm_source=ifttt
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